


My Cuddles

by silverwiings



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Accidental Voyeurism, All the cuddles, Bang Chan is Whipped, Cuddles, Fluff, Han Jisung | Han is a Little Shit, Hand Jobs, How Do I Tag, Humor, M/M, Porn with Feelings, Sleepy Cuddles, Slow Burn, Smut, background minsung
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2020-12-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:00:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27811156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silverwiings/pseuds/silverwiings
Summary: After Felix's one - kids room Chan learns that the members have all been getting their own cuddle times with the youngest Aussie,Everyone seems to have a story... except himOn a journey to get some of Felix's love Chan learns he may not just need some basic hugs
Relationships: Bang Chan/Lee Felix, Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know
Comments: 7
Kudos: 113





	1. Prologue

Chan POV 

  
The last filming for one kids room wraps up and the members all start leaving the lounge area laughing... except me.

This episode definitely hadn't been one of my favourites. It was Felix's episode and the group had spent their 30 mins of talking mostly discussing Felix's cuddly nature. Each member had a story to tell and as the stories came the worse I felt. My stomach churns thinking back to when Minho mentioned the time Felix bit his thigh.

I shake off the feeling still not sure what name to call it. Jealousy? I'm the leader, I shouldn't be so immature... aren't I an open person? I talk about hugs and love all the time just tune into Chan's room.

I try not to sulk but it must've been obvious because Hyunjin jumps around me laughing,

''Oooo is Channie hyung still unhappy about missing out on his cuddles?''

''W-what?' I sputter 'no I'm just thinking.''

''Suuuuure'' Hyunjin says giggling with the maknae. 

**_...I want my cuddles_ **


	2. Why do I feel this way

Chan POV

Sure I was in despair for a while, who wouldn't be when figuring out their lil bro is excluding you from some quality cuddle time. I've gone through cycles of thinking if it's because he hates me or if I'm just a bad cuddler.

It's been about a week since I've realized my little thing for felix and since then it's only gotten worse. It went from slight discomfort when seeing another member being close to Felix to full blown fist clenching jealousy when anyone shows any kind of kindness in him.

I don't have anything against the members being their loving usual selves to Felix, it's just that he never ever comes to me for love and attention.

It's 1pm and Jisung, Changbin, and I sit on our sofa watching the king of masked singer. Suddenly there are quick thumping footsteps running down the staircase and I can see Felix's red hair from the corner of my eye.

 _Calm down heart,_ I think trying to control my bubbling emotions already coming to the surface from just seeing him.

"Hyung!!!!" Felix squeals running completely past me and Jisung over to Changbin,

"Felix," Changbin smiles looking up at the younger.

"No one wants to go get lunch with me and I'm sooooo hungry~" Felix whines.

 _I could get lunch with you_ I think as I side eye the pair.

"Hmmm," Changbin says scratching his chin "should hyung treat you to ice cream?"

"Yeee~ thank you hyung!" Felix says jumping up and down before sliding onto Changbin's lap.

"Haha no problem," Changbin laughs enjoying the younger playing with his hair.

I look away from them feeling suddenly really unhappy.

A hand grips mine and I look up surprised to see Jisung looking at me with an unreadable expression.

"Hey guys, Chan and I are going to go and finish our work, but you guys feel free to go out for ice cream."

The pair both nod smiling as I'm dragged away still very confused.

Jisung slams our bedroom door behind me and I'm thrown down onto his bed.

"Whats wrong?" I ask shocked.

Jisung circles around me like a vulture for a few moments before sighing.

"What's wrong is how godamn obvious you are." Jisung says putting his hands on his hips

"O-obvious?"

"At first I thought you suddenly had something against Felix with the way you keep looking at him with that... look," Jisung shivers over dramatically "but no, I realized you're just head over heels for him."

"WHAT" I yell "I-I'M NOT I JUS-"

"You just what?!" Jisung says sternly "look at these pink cheeks, the blown pupils, and dear god are you shaking?!?!" Jisung exclaims "look hyung I'm just doing my job as a best friend to let you know when you go crazy over Changbin offering your crush ice cream,"

"...I bet Changbin doesn't even know Felix's favorite ice cream flavor." I mumble

"AND YOU DO!?!?" Jisung retaliates

"Yeah it's strawberry who doesn't know that."

"Most people," Jisung says unimpressed.

"Hey stop looking at me like that," I say turning away "I just......"

"...Wow it's worse than I thought," Jisung chuckles sitting down next to me, "come on tell Jisung what's been bothering you."

I sigh giving in.

"After filming Felix's episode I just started to feel down, ya know?"

Jisung nods furiously urging me to continue.

"Maybe he really doesn't like me as a hyung and that's why he hasn't been showing me any affection. What do you think?"

Jisung bites the inside of his cheek nervously "May I say what I think?"

I nod curious

"I think no average person would be thinking about something like this for so long!" He say lightly slapping me on the head.

"Hey-"

"Chan," Jisung says cutting me off "are you by chance...gay?"

_WHAT_

"I um guess I've never thought about it-WHY ARE YOU TAKING NOTES," I yell.

He sits observing me with a magically conjured notebook open with a blue pen rolling around inside

"I'm diagnosing you dear so shut your trap" he responds.

_What did_ _I_ _do to deserve such extra members_

"Look if you want his attention so much you should just go make the first move."

"First move," I say with my mouth hanging open, "You're talking about this like we're crushing on eachother"

"Aren't you?" Jisung says chewing on the pen tip.

"NO!" I say frustrated "...I don't even know if I like men but I'm certain Felix is as straight as a ruler"

"Look." Jisung says putting down his clipboard "When I started to get feelings for Minho I'd never even contemplated the labels and titles for sexuality. I just like him so that's what I feel and it's worked out pretty well."

"Awwww that so cut- WAIT YOU'RE CRUSHING ON MINHO??"

H _ow much has Jisung been keeping from me?_

"Dating excuse you," Jisung corrects

"Ohhh- DATING????"  
"WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?"   
"WHY DIDN'T I HEAR ABOUT THIS?"

"Are you a goddamn car wash," Jisung grimaces wiping his face.

"Yeah keep it down," another voice says from the other side of the room.

We both spring up from the jumpscare and stare at the far bed.

From under the covers messy brown hair covers the face of a very moody Minho.

"How long have you been there?" I ask still clutching my chest.

"I was here before you came in excuse you," he replies unimpressed.

"Oh sorry," I apologise

"Sorry baby" Jisung smiles "what're you doing?"

Minho turns his phone screen around to show a picture of 3 cats.

"I love my babies so much," he sighs.

"More than me?' Jisung winks.

Minho stares back at him blank faced and answers simply "Yes."

"Ouch" Jisung replies.

"Are the two of you flirting in front of me going to be a recurring theme." I groan

"Shut up, you're so openly drooling over felix." Minho says.

"I know right!" Jisung chuckles but shuts up after I glare at him.

"Look, if you really like him go get him because there isn't any point in getting jealous if he was never yours to begin with." Minho says.

"I don't like him that way but...ok" I say sulking.

"Just don't bring him back to our room." Minho adds and I instantly turn the shade of a ripe tomato.

"Ahhh Minho," I say covering my hot ears. "Wait," I say looking between the two, "you better not be doing stuff here either."

"You're never home hyung," Jisung shrugs "what's the issue."

My eyes go wipe and I jump up from Jisung's bed at light speed.

"I AM NEVER SITTING ON THERE AGAIN!" I yell pointing at the two.

"I wouldn't if I were you too" Minho says winking.

I open my mouth to retaliate but the words get lost in my throat so I just leave the situation as quickly as possible leaving the pair to laugh at my embarrassment.

**_Do_ ** **_I_ ** **_like Felix_ ** **?**


	3. Channie Hyung

Felix POV

It's been 2 weeks since my one kids room and the video has finally been released. I'm eager to hear what the guys said about me so I work my way around the JYP building gathering everyone together.

"Guys~" I sing waltzing into the 3racha studio "my episode of one-kids room came out, do you want to watch it with me?"

Chan has his headphones on and doesn't even notice my presence.

"Sure thing Lix," Changbin replies "We'll just finish this last thing off and be right over to the practice room."

"Oh okay," I nod "Working on a new song?"

"Something like that" he laughs

"Just downloading games onto the company computer," Jisung mumbles

"What!?"

"Oh nothing," he smiles innocently "we'll be out soon."

I nod slowly and leave the studio wondering if I heard correctly.

When arriving at the practice room, the rest of the members are already sitting around my phone loading the episode.

"Hey hey don't play it yet, the others said they'd be coming soon so let's just wait." I argue.

"Can't we just watch the start" Jeongin whines pouting.

_Agh it's_ _tough_ _to_ _disagree_ _with the baby,_

"I guess we could," I say scratching the back of my head.

The maknae plays the video and everyone gets arranged on the ground so they can see the screen. Jisung and Changbin stride in a minute later not having missed much.

"Where's Chan hyung?" I ask.

"He's just saving the world- I mean file, he'll be out in a couple seconds" Changbin replies going to sit down on the floor.

"Aghh-" Jisung groans when his body makes an impact with the floor.

"Hyung are you okay?" Jeongin asks observing Jisung struggling to sit down.

The rest of us look to Jisung concerned but he waves his hand signalling us not to worry.

"You're gross." Seungmin says grimacing at Minho who covers his laugh.

We direct our attention back to the episode. The members start talking about my aegyo and I think back to my single interview for one kids room where the staff brought it up. The members better have not said anything embarrassing. But as I thought, the members all start to talk about such cringe moments as me rubbing my head on my hyungs' stomach and me cuddling them to sleep when we're at hotels.

"You guys are so mean," I pout and Changbin rubs my head.

"Only the truth Lix." he responds.

I look back to the video and see Chan looking around at the members confused,

' **It's intriguing' Chan says 'I've never seen Lix doing that before...'**

**'Really?' hyunjin says shocked 'I've seen it so much'**

**'Maybe he just doesn't do it to you,' Seungmin laughs**

I feel a tinge of guilt suddenly. Chan has always been the most reliable of my members and I never even realised that I'd been holding out on him. I know Chan cares and worries about me alot so I try not to open up too much and therefore never have those "cute physical moments." I frown suddenly feeling terrible as the members on screen make fun of my hyung asking if he's sad.

Just then Chan casually walks through the door, 'Sorry the files took longer than expected, I haven't missed much right,' he says shutting the door behind him.

At that moment my personal response plays on the video and I remember what I'd told the camera.

**'Channie hyung always tries to help me.' I giggle, 'the fact that he cares about me is very incredible and warm,'**

Chan's face reddens and he looks at me from the doorway. _Now felix now._ I stand up quickly and walk over to my hyung.

"I'm sorry I haven't shown you enough affection Channie." I say wrapping my arms around his waist holding him tight.

I can hear Chan's heart beating incredibly fast and his breathing quickens against my ear. I feel his hands come to rest on mine and he detaches my hands from his back.

"Chan hyung?" I ask confused.

"I um...have to go to the bathroom." he replies stuttered.

He runs out of the room leaving the rest of the boys confused.

"Is Chan okay?" I ask concerned.

Everyone shrugs but Minho points at the door. I look at him confused and lost. Did I offend Channie somehow. I should apologise.

I quickly excuse myself running out to find my hyung.

"Cha-" I'm about to call out in the direction of the bathroom but I see his silhouette in the slightly see through studio door and stop.

I lean my face against the glass trying to see clearer.

He's leaning on the desk with his head thrown back and body shaking. I cock my head to the side in confusion and walk closer. The booth is soundproof but I see his lips moving. Careful not to make a sound I creak the door open just enough for me to peer inside and I choke immediately as I trail my eyes down his figure.

The top button of his shirt is open and his head is thrown back as sweat rolls down his neck.

I hold my breath suddenly feeling VERY hot.

I trail down and his veins pop out of his arms as his hands grip tight on- _oh my god_!

I squeak quietly as I cover my eyes with my free hand. _I- I shouldn't be here._ I slowly close the door but just before It's completely closed there's a low groan;

" **Felix~** "


	4. Aftermath

My eyes bulge from my head and I feel my insides churning like a tsunami. I shut the door and sprint out of the building not looking back for a second. When arriving at the dorm, I lock myself in my room panting from the exercise. I flop onto my bed pink cheeked and fully shocked.

_Why did Chan say my name?_

That night I go to the kitchen to help with dinner and I feel a pair of arms wrap around my waist, I immediately flush and spin around pushing the man away.

"Woah woah what's wrong?" Seungmin asks confused.

"Oh Seungmin," I sigh "sorry I thought you were someone else,"

He laughs and daws me back into a side hug "who else would I be silly."

I chuckle along too and am thankful he doesn't notice the rosy colour rising in my cheeks. I turn back to the food I was preparing with the help of chef minho and hear footsteps entering the kitchen area.

"What's for dinner?" Chan says letting himself squeeze past me and Seungmin to look on the stove top.

I release the hug I was holding with Seungmin and step to the side suddenly feeling awkward and more red than ever before. Chan turns back to us emotionless almost scanning over the two of us without acknowledging our existence.

"Felix what's wrong you're really red," Minho says turning to look at me.

Chan instantly turns back to me looking me finally in the eyes. He looks over my face concerned.

"Are you sick?" he lifts his palm about to place it on my forehead but he pauses mid action and puts his hand back down.

Minho looks back from Chan to me over and over with his _"hyung knows somethings up"_ look but we both pretend not to have noticed it for the sake of our dignity.

Chan turns to the pot of ramen I was halfway through cooking and takes it off the element.

"Go to bed, I'll bring you dinner just rest for a while and don't strain yourself," he says calmly.

"O-okay" I stutter moving away from him and walking as fast as I can to my room.

As soon as the door clicks shut I slide down the wood until I fall to the floor.

_Why is my heart beating so fast? could it be because of....ahhh Felix stop thinking about that, I think pounding my head with my fists._

The way Chan looked at me just then though. His eyes were so wide and he looked all over my face with such worry it made my body tense up.

I try to catch my breath I didn't know I was holding but every time I remember his face back at the studio I start squealing like a teenage girl.

I open twitter and log onto my secret fan account.

' _Help, everytime I look at Bang Chan my heart feels like it going to explode'_

Seconds later responses from my normal followers come through and I eagerly unlock my phone

_-Fr same, have you seen how goddamn handsome that man is_

_-Who doesn't feel that way when looking at him_

_-Finally you're seeing what I'm seeing, let me send you a couple edits hol up_

_-Lmao Chan is wrecking his bias list, say goodbye to your felix ult brand_

I turn off my phone groaning. Thanks twitter. I waddle over to my cozy bed and wrap up as tight as I can in the blankets. I always bundle up like a burrito even in summer, Channie says I must be immune to the heat from living in Aussie.

_Ahh Felix!! Stop_ _thinking about him._

I throw my stuffed bear down on the bed before immediately feeling bad and cradling it in my chest whispering apologies.

Just then a slow but definite knock taps on the bedroom door. I gasp and slide under the covers pretending to be asleep.

"Felix?" I hear Chan ask.

 _Oh god why did it have to be chan_ _._ I think to myself as I bury my nose deeper in my plushie

The door opens with a creak and I can hear him move up to the bed.

"Are you asleep?" he asks quietly.

_Yes yes yes I'm asleep_

He sighs and crouches down by the bed, he's so close I can hear him breathing. A soft finger sweeps my hair back from twitching my nose which was really bothersome.

"I um brought ramen and a thermometer but if you're asleep I don't really want to wake you up."

My body just happens to be facing where he's sitting and I try to squint my eyes just a bit to see if he really brought everything. There on the floor is a large bowl of ramen, a cup of hot water and a thermometer like he said.

_Ahhh hyung why do you always have to be so kind._

Chan looks away from the food to me and smiles with his adorable dimples showing.

"Still sleeping with your plushie...so cute." he chuckles. "I really hope you aren't sick, that would put me in a bad mood for a while."

He looks down and plays with the rug and the atmosphere around us becomes stuffy and choked. I keep staring at him though.

_The perfect leader, hyung, and maybe... ah no never mind._

All of my nervousness from earlier has merged into resounding guilt. I must've made Chan hyung worried with my strange behaviour, why can't I just act how I do around the other members.

_Its not like I saw him doing_ _anything_ _too strange...it's all normal...right?_

Chan looks back at me and to the door

"You wouldn't like me watching you while you sleep," he sighs slowly getting up from his place on the rug, "I'm gonna go-"

I quickly slide out from under the covers abandoning the plushies as I sit up and wrap my arms around my hyungs neck.

"P-please don't leave," I whisper into his neck.

His whole body stiffens and I'm truly not sure if I've made a good decision or not but I couldn't bare to just lay there putting Chan through so much.

"...Felix," Chan says shocked still not responding to the hug.

"Please stay." I say again not knowing what else I could respond with. There are so many things I want to say.

_I'm sorry for worrying you. How do you feel about me? I think I'm starting to feel different about you and I don't know what to do._

But I just settle on no words at all and instead pull on him dragging him into the bed.

He would easily be able to brush me off or pull me out of the bed myself but instead he just goes along with it and soon I'm squished up against the wall with Chan laying half under me and half off the side of my single bed.

"Are you okay?" Chan asks still not catching up with the current situation.

"Mmhm" I mumble against his chest as I try and drag him further under the covers "lets sleep,"

"but...I shouldn't... I mean..." chan says flustered.

I crack open my eyes not realising how truly tired I actually am,

"...do you not want to sleep with me?" I question and immediately regret the way the words come out, but the outcome...

Chan's eyes widen and cheeks redden. It's like a fiery beast has been awakened.

He curls his hand around my waist and flips me so he's fully on the bed and I'm securely in his embrace as I rest on his taut chest. It's so warm and comforting I almost forget that this is my first time ever cuddling with Bang Chan, sure I cuddle with the other members but we're all the same size in physicality so I'm the one clinging onto them. This time I'm completely lost in my hyungs embrace and I don't have to think about anything but the strong arms around me and the wildly beating heart banging near my ears.

"Mmm sleep" I mumble before drifting off in complete euphoria, I better be getting more hugs from Bang Chan in the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys are enjoying the story so far~


	5. Another Day

**Felix POV**

I open my eyes to the harsh sunlight and instantly wish I could be back in dreamland. It's strange, I dreamed I was cuddling a giant Koala. I laugh to myself patting the empty space beside me.

_Wait_   
_It's empty_   
_Where's my koala- I mean hyung?!_

I whine aloud hitting my head back on the pillow. The door knob turns and I try not to look obvious as I peak my eyes open to see if Chan has come back. To my dismay Jeongin enters the room and chuckles,

"Finally you're awake bedhead."

I rub my eyes and flatten down my so called bed head, "Where's Chan hyung?"

"I think he left earlier this morning," he says 'Why, do you miss your real life body pillow?"

I throw my plushie at his head and he ducks just in time.

"By the way the others told me to tell you we're leaving for the practice room in 15 minutes so get ready,"

"ughhhhhh, I just woke up" I whine.

"Well it's your fault for sleeping in till midday," he mumbles.

"WHAT!?!"

I turn on my phone and just as he said it's only a couple minutes past 12pm.

"Bye hyung!" he sings quickly escaping the room.

I haven't slept for such a long time since high school. I look to my side at the place Chan occupied last night.

_Guess I'll see him when I get there,_

I pull on my shorts and a loose t-shirt covered by a coat. I check the mirror just to make sure I don't look too bad.

"Felix hurry it up will you!" I hear someone yell from the main room

'Yep coming just a second," I call back.

I look at my reflection unsatisfied. I look the same as I do every other day but for some reason I feel myself putting on a little extra bb cream and applying chapstick. I stare at my made up face and realize this is just a little overkill.

_It's just the practice room felix._

I wipe off the gloss that somehow made it to my mouth and drag myself out of the bedroom before I make anymore brave beauty choices.

Upon arriving at the practice room I can see a lot of the other members already standing in front of the mirror practicing. I look around searching for Chan and my eyes land on the all black hunched over form by sound system.

_That's Chan_

I raise my hand waving at him but Changbin gets in front of my hyung and I'm completely covered. I blow a strand of hair off my face annoyed

_I guess I'll talk to him later then,_

"What are we doing today?" I ask Minho who's currently stretching with Jisung in a very peculiar position but I don't have the guts to question his technique.

"We'll just go over victory song first as that'll be the crowd favourite when we're on tour," he replies.

"I can see why it's they're favourite," Jisung says, rubbing his abs which he hasn't worked on in a couple months.

"Sureeee" I laugh sarcastically and Minho just rolls his eyes.

"Get into the starting formation," Minho says and I see Jisung poke his tongue out from behind.

"That means you too," Minho says, flicking Jisung's forehead.

Jisung pouts moving to stand beside me.

Chan turns on the music and moves to the centre of the room as we begin the song. The most important thing about this song is the sexy and smooth facial expressions and currently all of stray kids is serving. Chan lifts his shirt and I miss a beat but quickly collect myself. I glance around in relief that no one caught the mistake, but as I look around I catch sight of Chan's face scrunched up with his lower lip caught between his teeth.

_Oh_   
_My_   
_God_

Memories crowd my mind and I feel my palms getting sweaty as my thoughts are fogged up by the steamy images. I swallow sharply unable to tear my eyes away.

I suddenly hear my part and realize I'm not at all where I'm supposed to be. I run through the others tripping over a limb stumbling to my spot.

It's not sexy. It's not smooth.

"FELIX!" someone yells and I snap my head up. The music stops and everyone looks towards me. "What happened? You used to find that move easy."

'Sorry, I'll get it right next time." I apologise.

The music starts again and as if it's part of the choreography I look over at Chan at the same part as last time and am met with that gaze. Yet again I miss my cue and am left wobbling to the front.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," I say as they pause the music.

"It's okay Felix, just maybe practice that part on your own later," Minho says sympathetically, "alright let's move onto the second verse everyone."

The practice flys past and soon we're all packing up.

"I'm so sorry hyung, I'll stay behind and practice for a while," I say to Minho.

"Don't overthink it Felix," he says patting me on the back.

The members all file out the door while I helplessly try and perfect this one part.

Chan is about to walk out the door but I see him stop and turn back towards me. He looks at me not knowing I can see his reflection through the mirror.

The thing about Chan is that he keeps himself so open for the members and stay, but you can never really say what's going on in his head.

"You're staying?" I ask him.

He sways on his feet still deciding "I should finish the opening track, god knows I'll be too distracted at the dorm."

_Damn he really is a terrible liar._

I curl my hands around my shorts feeling suddenly really small.

_Is he staying back for me?_

_Oi felix, stop that wishful thinking_ _._

I simply nod moving over to turn on the music,

"Then don't distract me," I shoot back.

It's a carefree comment but oh god how in the hell am I going to focus now that hes here watching me all alone. The whole reason I'm staying behind is becuase I couldn't focus with him in the room. I'll just have to try my best.

The music plays and I give my reflection the best glare I can. I move slowly to the music becoming lost in the beat and in no time I've found my rythm. I close my eyes fully intune with the choreography. No Chan. No weird squishy feelings. Just me.

_See, not that hard_

The verse with my part starts and I think ahead to the move I'd been struggling with.

 _It's simple felix, you know what to do_.

Suddenly I feel a warmth curl up from my stomach to my chest and tighten around my waist. I snap my eyes open my eyes and stare at Chan's grip around my body. His veiny hands hold my body at the waist and I start to feel light headed. He does the steps at the same time me and our bodies move in perfect unison. My heart rapidly pounds and heat spreads throughout my face.

Chan stares into the mirror at my body and notices the slight shake in my legs.

"Just do it like I'm not even here,"

It's easy to just say that but when I look at my reflection I see Chan tilting his head to whisper in my ear and fingers tightly clasped around my body.

I breath in and continue the routine again with Chan following. I keep my face completely in character this time and I feel the power in each movement Chan follows. My voice sounds throughout the speakers. It's my part.

I go for the beginning spin and become stuck against chan's chest. Skin peaks out from his shirt and my eyes widen. I breath in sharply looking at his face extremely close to mine. I can see the light Freckles painted against his pale skin so clearly that I become lost just looking at his face.

"Felix?" Chan asks nearly whispering, "I think you missed the move again,"

The music is still playing but I'm stuck pressed to him with his hands splayed on my lower back. Chan's pupils are blown and his lips are neatly opened just enough that I can see his tongue dart out to run over his bottom lip.

_Beautiful_

I reach my hand up placing it on his cheek feeling the heat radiating off of it. His hands seem to be clenched in my shirt but I have no objection. He looks so beautiful and vulnerable in front of me that my heart starts to tingle.

He looks down at my lips and I can feel him getting closer and closer to me. I open my dry mouth still in a trance "Chan-"

Suddenly there's a large bang from the end of the room and we spin to it's direction indirectly away from each other.

"-Yoooo I left my charger," Hyunjin says flinging open the door.

We've immediately separated and Chan's sitting down next to his computer like he never got up. Hyunjin completly ignorant to the situation, picks up his charger stuffing it into his backpack.

He looks at me and sighs, "Still not got it felix?"

I try to say an answer but all that comes out is a strange scratchy croak.

"Drink some water oh my god," he says grimacing 'Chan could you help him with the last part?"

"Sure," Chan says a little shaky.

Hyunjin stares at him for a while before turning to me. "See you tonight," he says innocently.

Once the door closes I shuffle around facing the mirror not daring to look at Chan but I can see him staring deeply into his computer screen as if he's solving the meaning of life itself. I look over at my phone thinking about trying the song again but I can't really feel my legs.

"C-Chan?" I say looking through the mirror.

He looks as casual as he can but he just resembles an awkward teenager.

"I think I'm too tired to keep practicing so I'm going to call it a day okay,"

"Oh- sure" he says shutting his computer

"Don't you have work to do?' I say pointing at his laptop.

He stares at the apple logo for a couple seconds as if his brain had short circuited, "If you're going then I'll go too,"

I nod starting to smile.

We pack up our things and turn the lights off and lock up the practice room. We walk close together but I can tell Chan is keeping his distance.

"Chan," I say looking over at him.

"Hmm," he says, glancing up.

"...about what happened at the practice room," I slowly say watching him tense up

"Look felix I'm sorr-"

"-Can you help me with that part again sometime?"

He slowly nods and the tension from his shoulders releases "...sure thing Lix,"

I smile and he gives a grin back.

After a less awkward walk back home we finally reach our dorm and realize it's surprisingly quiet.

"Whats going on?" I ask Chan.

He points to the lack of shoes by the door, "I think they've all gone out, for dinner"

"Oh, is it dinner time already?" I say swaying on my feet, "are you hungry?" I feel bad for keeping him back at the practice room. He said he had to do work but I knew it was an excuse the second it came out his mouth.

"...Just a bit," he says glancing to the kitchen, "What do you think of stir fry?"

"Sounds great!" I say grinning and he ruffles my hair.

I go into my room taking off my coat and face mask and laying them on my bed. I stretch up feeling the muscles in my back become less stiff.

_Another night of we bare bears re-runs it seems..._

I look around for my laptop but suddenly the room goes pitch black and I'm frozen in the dark. Out the dark window I can see the buildings all in pitch black darkness too.

_What's happening?_

I fumble around in the dark for my light switch but stub my toe on the corner of Jeongin's bed.

"OW FRICK!"

I sit down wincing at the throbbing in my foot. I reach in my back pocket to pull out my phone but forgot I left it in my coat pocket which is on the opposite side of the room. I hear the bedroom door swing open and footsteps entering.

"Felix are you ok!?!?" Chan says edging into the room, "I heard you yell,"

. **..** ** _Chan_** **...**


	6. You and I

Chan POV

I was looking in the fridge for ingredients when the powercut began. I lifted my hands to my eyes and could only barely see the outline of my fingers.

Suddenly in the silence there is a large bang from Felix's room followed by a yell.

"OW FRICK!"

My heart beats around my ears and I sprint from the kitchen down the slowly dimming hallway to the younger's room. I slam open the door and squint trying to find Felix. I put my palms flat on the wall trying to navigate my way through the darkness with little success.

"Felix are you ok?!?!" I say getting closer to the sounds of hard breathing and sniffling "I heard you yell,"

"...Over here Hyung," I hear a voice say from further away.

I abandon the wall and close my eyes trying to find him from his voice.

"Hyung, why is it so dark?" He asks,

I heard him louder that time and before I know it I feel a warmth against my knee. I reach my hand down and my fingers brush against soft hair.

"It's a powercut," I answer moving my hand from his head to the back of his neck.

He pushes into my touch and I cover my cheeks with my free hand even though he can't see me. Bad habit.  
I kneel down in front of him still holding him close.

"What happened Lix?" I ask.

"I stubbed my toe," he sighs and I can literally feel the breath on my nose, "Can you get my phone? It's on the bed in my coat,"

I spring up almost losing my balance. I edge towards the direction of his bed keeping my arms stretched out just in case. My shins smack against the bedframe and I grunt in pain.

"Chan are you okay!?"

"...yep," I reply scrunching up my face.

 _That's_ _definitely_ _gonna leave_ a _bruise._

I find his coat and his phone inside like he said. I power it on and immediately am blinded by the light.

I turn around shining the light just to light my way but in the process the brightness hits Felix.

Felix is sat on the floor holding his toes wincing in pain. He looks up at me and I notice a watery glaze over his eyes.

"Oh Felix," I say quickly before running over to him crouching down and holding him close to my chest.

"Hyung it's not that bad," he whines back but eventually I can feel him rest his head on my shoulder in defeat.

"...I really don't like to see you in pain," I say it before I can take it back and the words hang heavy in the air. It's not like I'm lying. It makes my body ache to think of anything putting a frown on Felix's face. He doesn't deserve that. My hands clench around his t- shirt and I feel him lift his hand placing it on mine.

"It's really okay hyung," he reassures me "just if you could help me get to the sofa that would be helpful."

I nod putting his arm around my shoulder. He slowly stands up putting his weight on my body but I don't mind at all.

We stumble through the apartment often bumping into things or each other but we reach our destination in one piece.

I set him down gently on the long black sofa and he sighs finally able to put his foot up. I sit down along with him and pull his legs into my lap slightly massaging the calves. He makes a quiet noise that makes him cover his mouth embarrassed. I laugh at him enjoying his adorable side.

I place my phone down absent mindedly on the arm of the sofa and it slides off with a echoing thud.

"Damn it" I mumble leaning over to pick it up but I can't feel it. I shuffle my hand around for a while until I feel it's hard surface.

"Broken?" Felix asks leaning closer to squint at the phone in the blackness

I bring the phone up to my eyes and feel it over.

"I don't think I broke the screen but the flashlight went out."

I shake the phone and hit it a couple times (would not suggest doing this for a quick fix), the light blinks on again and I breath out in relief.

_Thank god I got that army protection dad case_

I spin around shining the light upwards as I come face to face with Felix. He's leaning over with his legs already nestled over mine so he's mostly on my lap already. But because we don't have a large height difference his face levels right up at mine and in the darkness we've gotten quite close. Very close. His nose is probably about 3 inches away from mine and I feel myself stuck frozen looking into his eyes.

"Oh sorry," he apologises looking nearly as shy as I feel. He puts his hand down to push away but lands on my inner thigh right near my length and I unintentionally let out and high...moan?

Felix breathes in sharply retracting the pressure but keeping his hand on my thigh unmoving.

"C-chan" Felix says once.

A million things whir in my brain. I think I'm short circuiting.

_Oh god this is what dying feels like_

His hand is so small and warm against my skin, even through my clothes it feels like fire. Every twitch of his fingers leaves me squirming.

"....Chan"

It's funny how I'd think of myself quite as a strong person who stays calm and stoic in tricky situations. Right now though, I've shrunk into a small nervous wreck who's intimidated by the thought of his dreams becoming a reality.

"Chan." Felix says with his face changing. He glances down at my lap harshly inhaling.

"Y-yes?" I reply stuck. I glance down and see what's taken him by such surprise. There oh so close to felix's hand, my clothed member twitches up through the fabric of my sweatpants obscenely. I'm not hard but my body definitely can't keep still with all the feelings flooding my girth.

_Oh_

"Hyung," Felix says softly "D-do I do this t-to you?"

I swallow sharply closing my eyes for a moment. I can't look at him when I'm like this. I can feel his hand shaking slightly and I feel overrun with guilt by how much my body responds.

"Felix I'm sorry maybe I should go..." I reply truly defeated

Felix doesn't move. His expression and hands are stone.

"Do I?" Felix asks almost breathless.

I crack my eyes open and I see his staring back at mine unmoving.

"...Yes" I admit looking down.

There's this terrible deep pain that shocks your body attacking your heart. You'll experience it in the moments you feel so horribly vulnerable and exposed. You'll know it if you've ever been in love. The feeling of giving so much to someone you care about and watching as it all crumbles down around you. This is all I can describe for this feeling I'm feeling right now.

_God Lix_   
_You really make me feel this way_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Get ready for some smut mwahahaha


	7. Mine

Felix POV

"Yes...."

Chan's shoulders shake slightly as he stares down numbly.

But for me, the confession hits me right in my heart which tingles with affection.

I had an idea of how he felt about me, but I had always pushed it aside because of the confusion I had with my own feelings.

_I know how I feel now, I know how Chan feels now_

Without knowing where the confidence comes from I find myself leaning forward closing the unnecessary distance. But with every inch I move closer to him he moves one inch back.

_Why_

I don't like looking at my hyung so closed off, every wall between us has been thrown back up and I hate it.

I never realized how much I kept certain sides of myself from Chan and now that I'm just opening up it hurts to see him stepping back.

_I feel the same way Chan, I want the same things, please don't run away_

"Can I kiss you Hyung?"

"W-WHAT" he sputters

_WRONG CHOICE OF WORDS FELIX_

"...I really want to kiss you hyung... can I?"

I know I'm staring but oh god his lips look so good just hanging open as he tries to form words.

He avoids my eyes and looks around the room clearly unsure of how to answer. His hands bunch up the fabric of fhe couch cushions several times before he comes to a conclusion.

"...Yes..." He says it so quietly, but there is a hint of neediness in his voice.

It's all I need for permission.

I smile leaning over his body to capture his lips expressing all the desire and affection that's been building up.

He's hesitant at first but slowly he presses back. His lips are so soft and plush against mine, the feeling of them sends me to heaven and back.

I peck at the side of his lips asking for more and am met with the confidence I knew was just waiting under the surface of his calm image.

His hands tangle in the bottom of my hair pulling me so hard into him that our teeth knock. But I don't mind.

I bite his lip hungrily which only makes him kiss me harder. He looms over me dipping his tongue into my inviting mouth making me a gasping mess as I try to reciprocate as best I can.

When we separate we're panting harshly with drool slipping down our chins. I can see Chan staring at me with such a hungry expression it makes my already interested length twitch in anticipation.

"Felix you have no idea what you make me do...what you make me want to do."

My face grows hot. Flashbacks of Chan's damp body thrusting into his fist back at the studio flood my mind.

I swallow hard, desperate to give into my need to please him.

"Chan," I whisper, "what if I know what you want?"

He cocks his head curious at my forwardness but not against it.

With shaking hands I slowly edge up to the zipper of his pants. Chan looks at my fingers pinching the zip head and pulling it down agonisingly slow.

"...I'd have no objection," he breathes out.

My lower stomach stirs just at the thought of Chan doing all he wants to me completely in control. This overwhelming feeling swarms my body and I find myself stuck on only one idea, I want to give my hyung what he wants.

I slip my hand into his pants and am met with the same length that has been burned into my mind since that day.

I pull it out watching as it rises not being constrained anymore.

It's thick, hard and so much more than all of the hard stans could ever imagine.

He reaches for my clothes but I bat his hands away. I just want to please him and let him see how much attention I'm willing to give just to him.

He moans as I wrap both my hands around the veiny base pumping it to life. I look into his eyes as I twist my hands around him, jerking faster and faster.

In my mind I can still remember the way his thumb swiped his slit and rubbed the head. I recreate the motions as exact as I can.

"F-felix," He groans tipping his head back with sweat forming on his neck, "how are you so good at this,"

"I learnt it from you hyung," I say closing in on him "You in your studio touching yourself while saying my name, thinking of me,"

His eyes grow wide and his mouth hangs open as more groans pour out, "h-how did yo-"

"You looked so good hyung," I pump faster watching as he get more and more breathless, "want to make you feel so good hyung,"

'God, I think I'm gonna cum,' he gasps clutching onto anything he can get a hold of.

I rub harder and faster pulling the foreskin at his head causing him to moan out over and over until he climaxes.

He spills with one last loud groan and milky liquid shoots from his head up his stomach soaking my hands.

My heart beats fast as I watch him arch against the back of the couch in complete bliss. I savour the stickiness in between my fingers and put two in my mouth sucking on the salty taste.

Chan dreamily looks up at me from the sofa. His mouth hangs open lazily and hands rest on my hips as he comes back to his senses. But I feel every inch of my body like it on fire.

My dick has been straining in my pants for ages now and there is a small wet patch of precum on my clothes.

My hyung kneads my ass and I can't control pinching up my face begging for his touch.

"Chan~" I whimper unable to hold back anymore.

I get up off his hips and sit over his right leg straddling his thigh. The sensation of Chan pressing up against my boner is almost too much.

I start slowly rocking back and forth breathing heavily with my head craned up exposing my neck. Sharp vibrations move from my groin to the tips of my toes. I pant heavily speeding up my grinds hoping to rub as much friction as I can against my clothed member.

Suddenly there is a loud whirr from across the room and the lights come blinking back on lighting up our situation. It only takes a moment for our eyes to get used to the new brightness and we stare at each other messy hair and swollen lips on display.

"Oh my god Felix," Chan says watching me hump against his thigh clearer than before.

Chan's pupils dilate and he licks his lips enjoying the view. Even with the lights on I don't care how desperate I look, I just want Chan to see how good he makes me feel.

I keep my hands steady in front of myself as I pick up the pace panting as I go.

I whimper feeling more precum escape my slit into the fabric of my pants. The slick rubs from me to Chan's leg and I see a shiny trail left by me in each grind.

Chan looks down biting his lip at the growing precum that appears just from my need. He finally sits up and moves to my ear nibbling on the end as he whispers in it.

"Look at how beautiful you are, hard and horny just for me," the hot air tickles my ear and sends shivers down my spine, "can I touch you now baby?"

I nod harshly not trusting my own voice.

His hands move from my hips to my waist agonisingly slow.

He bunches my shirt up and I lift my hands expecting him to take it off but he shakes his head. He slowly pushes the fabric up high enough for it to sit just above my nipples and I suck in a harsh breath at the cold air hitting the hard nubs.

"Hold." Chan says sternly motioning to the shirt.

I hold the bunched up shirt in two hands with my elbows bent against my sides.

Suddenly I feel a rush from my chest all the way down to my groin and look down to see Chan's calloused fingers massaging my chest.

"Ahh~ hyung please," my whole body shakes as I moan repeatedly with each tweak to my nipples.

"Mmm?" Chan purrs innocently "please what?"

"P-please- Ahhh~"

Chan's tongue darts out and he laps around my nipple fast.

I squeeze my eyes shut as my fingers tremble around the shirt.

_I can't cum already_

An obscene sound echoes the room as Chan sucks and slurps the skin around my oversensitive twats.

I cover my mouth with my hands trying to keep quiet and in doing so drop the shirt over Chan's head. He lets out a chuckle as he looks up at my flushed face through the neck hole.

"Don't cover your mouth baby, I want to hear everything" he says in between slurps.

I nod trembling as I move my hands away and instead rest them on Chan's head through my shirt.

I clench my thighs to keep my balance on Chan's leg as he gets more vigorous with his licking, but it just excites my dick more.

Chan must see that I'm getting close because his hands start feeling up my sides and traveling down my navel. His hands are absolutely sinful as they always get so close to my pants without actually travelling inside.

I move my hands down to the waistband desperate to pull my aching boner free and Chan chuckles watching me.

"Lets get these off you," he pushes me up off his leg and my body shakes but he holds me up.

It's weird, I was so close to Chan before and felt fine, but now standing between his legs in my state I feel weirdly vulnerable. But then I look down at my hyung's face. I see nothing but kindness.

_I really don't deserve him._

His large hands come up to my waistband and I watch as he effortlessly pulls the clothes off my hips down to the floor.

My boner springs up slapping against my stomach. Chan's eyes turn dark as he looks at nothing but my leaking pink dick standing straight.

Without thinking I instinctively move my hands to cover it. My cheeks are flaming and I feel terribly naked  
(literally and metaphorically haha).

Chan doesn't seem too happy about me covering up though.

"Why are you hiding angel? you know how much I want to see you." He says pressing his lips to my hip bone sucking against the skin.

I shudder not daring to look him in the eyes. I move my hands away and instead rest them on Chan's shoulders which he seems to enjoy much more.

He moves down trailing a line of small hickeys from my hip to my inner thigh so so close to my crotch.

With one hand supporting me from falling he uses the other to pull my cock down to his lips giving it little kitten licks before taking it whole.

He must know I'm bursting from the way my dick pulses against his mouth, but he still sucks hollowing his cheeks encouraging me on.

'I'm so close~" I moan squeezing his shoulder,

He hums in response causing me to buck up into his mouth. My head hits the back of his throat and he gags causing him to slide his lips off with a pop.

"You're close?" he says with a hoarse throat, "that's a real shame because there was something I wanted to do,"

Suddenly I feel a damp finger slither its way between my cheeks circling my wrinkled hole.

I groan loudly grabbing frantically at his shoulders as my knees buckle.

I can feel myself slipping as my legs give out, but Chan refuses to hold me up.

He watches as I slowly lower myself onto his finger, fucking myself without control.

My tight ring swallows each joint of his finger smoothly and my eyes roll back as I reach the base of his digit.

Cum spurts out splashing all across Chan's chest and face but he doesn't move. He stretches out my orgasm curling his finger in my asshole enjoying the way I scream his name.

When I finally feel myself coming down from my euphoria Chan pulls out and stands up catching me before I fall.

"You did so good Lix," he kisses my cheek and I lazily smile back.

He picks me up carrying me out of the lounge into the comfort of his bed.

I just let him have his way with me when he slides a wet cloth around my body before covering me in one of his blankets.

He climbs in next to me kissing my forehead and circling his arms protectively around my naked body. He nuzzles his nose into my hair placing kisses every so often when he thinks I won't notice.

"What if the others see us?" I mumble sleepily

"Don't worry, Minho and Jisung won't mind" he responds smirking, "I wouldn't let you go even if they did,"

I smile burying my head in his chest listening to the pounding of his heartbeat against my ears.

**"My cuddles"**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed reading My cuddles!!! It was so much fun to write and I'm happy I finally published it to Ao3!
> 
> Hope to see you all in the next story :)


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